Our Together Day

We have our little Jianna

We dressed with care hoping to make a good impression on our little girl. When we walked into the Center I spotted her sitting on a couch. Her eyes became huge when she saw us. I sat down gently next to her and said, "Wo sher ni de Mama" which is "I am your Mama". She said in a small voice full of fear, "Mama". We repeated the same with "Baba" and then "Didi" (little brother) and she repeated back the words to us. Then she burst into tears and clung to her director.

It was hard watching her sobbing and begging her director Mrs Yang not to leave her with us. She wouldn't let me touch her or comfort her. Every time I said something to her in Chinese like "Don't be afraid" "It will be okay" or something reassuring, she stole a glance at me and cried harder. I don't know if my American accent saying Chinese upset her more.

During this time Nathan began crying so I held him on my lap while Mrs Yang was still holding Pei-Pei. Nathan said to her "Beah Koo!" which is "Don't cry". I can't even describe the look she gave him over that. They told her he was going to be a good didi.

When Mrs Yang left she was inconsolable and it was just heartbreaking to see her grief. She finally let Ron pick her up and hold her and we went back to the hotel.

So the night has passed with her grieving heavily and not wanting anything to do with us. We are patient. We know it will take time. It was hard to know if we should give her the space she wanted or invade her space with our presence. We took turns sitting next to her and she would turn away from us. I kept my arm around her and could feel her falling asleep while I was patting her back but she would jerk away when she began to relax too much. I finally got her to lie down on the little couch in her room. She was so exhausted. As we are moving around our room I can see her watching us sometimes as she tries to get used to these strange looking and sounding people. She rejected our offers of food and kept pulling snacks out of her coat which she ate. She was very resistant to us touching her and it took me about three hours to get her out of her coat.

At midnight I heard her stirring restlessly so I took her to the bathroom. Each time she consents to allowing us to do something for her it is so precious. She finally let me pick her up and I carried her into the bathroom where she was grateful to be able to go. Then I took her to wash her hands and she seemed very pleased to show me that she is able to wash and dry her hands on her own. When I took her back to her couch she let me tuck her in and kiss her head and then finally accepted the stuffed animal to cuddle.

So this first very hard day for my little girl is finally over. I expected that it was going to be really hard. We have been through this before and know that we will have to take each little concession she makes as a victory for our family. Eventually she will start to trust us more and each time she places trust in us, it will be such a precious gift.

Nathan has been wild and silly all evening. She was watching him as he bounced around the room playing with his toys. He doesnt want to share with her or to talk to her yet but that is understandable too. We've all got to grow together into our family of four.

We will go back today to finalize the adoption.



Here's a picture of her after she couldn't resist anymore and finally fell asleep. We were able to move her then and lay her down.